Driving under the influence is a serious problem that is easy to ignore until it hits close to home. For me, that moment came on November 14th, 2015, when my 19-year-old cousin drove drunk and lost his life. When he passed it affected so many people. His goal of taking over his father’s business and raising a family disappeared in an instant, all because of alcohol. Unfortunately, many other people have similar stories as mine.
Although fewer people die from drunk driving now than in the past, it’s still a big issue, especially for young drivers. The New York Times reports that 21 percent of young drivers in fatal crashes have been drinking.
According to a study published by the American Journal of Public Health, 17% of the students reported drinking and driving at least once in the last month. While it does not include where the alcohol was consumed, it proves that gaining access to these substances is far too easy.
These aren’t just statistics; they’re real lives being lost, many of them teenagers just starting out in life. Despite better awareness and tougher laws, drunk driving among teens is still too common. We need to keep teaching young people about the dangers and make sure they know about safe ways to get home, like Uber or designated drivers.
I really enjoy how you started off with a personal example to a sensitive topic, allowing for the audience to understand why your persepective matters more. Your inclusion of more direct evidence later is also useful to how your idea develops.
Only thing I would suggest is using more effective syntax in the first paragraph, so the delivery of certain lines is stronger.
Your main idea is very compelling. Right off the bat, your line, ‘Driving under the influence is a serious problem that is easy to ignore until it hits close to home.’ keeps me engaged with what you have to say. Your idea is solid throughout. The only thing you could do is add more evidence in your body paragraphs.
Your organization is solid. It draws me in and keeps everything clarified.
Your style in the first and last paragraphs are very vulnerable and open. You could match the style in your body paragraphs, making it a little more personal.
This was so compelling! Thanks for sharing!